Jul 28, 2026

How to Be the Best Tournament Partner with Phyllis Haberer

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Being a great tournament partner is one of those things nobody actually teaches you. You figure it out through experience, through awkward moments, through rounds where you didn't contribute a thing and didn't know what to do about it. This episode is the shortcut.

Phyllis Haberer flew in the night before our Bandon Dunes trip, and instead of scrambling to catch an early flight, she worked on the plane, arrived relaxed, and we sat down to record. We covered our packed summer tournament schedule, the unwritten rules of partner golf, and everything we have learned about competing alongside someone else — some of it the hard way.

Understanding Rochester's Golf Landscape

Before we get into the schedule, we break down how competitive women's golf actually works in the Rochester area — because it is genuinely unique. Rochester has its own grandfathered district association (the RDGA) that operates independently from the New York State Golf Association, which only a handful of districts in the country can say. Within that, Phyllis belongs to four different associations: her municipal ladies league, the WRDGA (invite-only once your handicap drops to around 20-22), the Westerns (Buffalo-Rochester competitive golf with players as far as Canada), and the RDGA itself. Each association runs its own events, which means a very full golf calendar.

Our Summer Tournament Schedule

Four events in roughly three weeks, each with a completely different format. May 18 at Greystone Golf Club — a four-person scramble with a links-style feel reminiscent of Ireland and Scotland. May 27 at Locust Hill Country Club — a former LPGA Tour stop — in a 6-6-6 format (six holes scramble, six holes best ball, six holes alternate shot). June 1 at Stafford Country Club for two-person best ball. And June 8 for Sodas. Throughout the summer we are going to give you boots-on-the-ground coverage of each one.

The First Flight Conversation

Phyllis mentioned on the drive from the airport that she sometimes gets in her head about playing in the first flight versus the second flight. We get into what that actually feels like — and why playing with stronger players is one of the best things you can do for your game, not something to be afraid of. The adrenaline is real. The growth is too.

Keep Your Attitude Dialed in, and Stop Apologizing

The number one thing you can do for your partner is bring your best energy regardless of how your own game is going. No excessive sorry's after missed putts. No sulking after a bad hole. If you carry frustration from hole four into hole five, it is not going to make hole five easier. We talk about why this is harder than it sounds — and what it actually looks like to do it well.

You Don't Have to Contribute to Matter

There will be rounds in partner events where you do not get a single number on the card. Tori shares a story from years back playing best ball where her partner shot a 72 and every single score they posted was her partner's. It felt terrible. But here is the thing: you are still there reading putts, keeping the energy up, cheering your partner on genuinely — and that makes her play better. The prize still counts. So does the company.

Know the Format Cold Before You Tee Off

Picking up your ball on a hole where you actually had a stroke is the kind of mistake you will think about all the way home. Know where your strokes fall. Know the rules. Know the format. And if you are unsure — ask at registration. There are no dumb questions on the first tee.

Scramble Strategy Goes Deeper than You Think

In a scramble, the order of putters matters. Who tees off first can be strategic. When it makes sense to get one safe ball in the fairway before the bigger hitter swings away. We get into all of it, including why some players do not want to watch anyone else putt before they go.

Guest Day Etiquette: Paying and Gifting

Offer to pay. Expect them to say no. Bring a gift. It doesn't have to match the green fee — a candle, a bottle of wine, or coordinating outfits works beautifully. If you are a blind date through a guest list, offer to pay your half and mean it. We also talk about how this etiquette changes entirely for association events and state tournaments — two very different worlds.

Stay for the Whole Event

The people who planned it worked hard. There is usually a meal, awards, maybe a raffle. Be present. You want to be there when results are announced — and you might win something you didn't know was coming.

Matching outfits: Make it Work for Both of You

Matching has genuinely caught on in women's golf in a way that feels fun and intentional. But your partner has to feel good in what she is wearing. Golf is one of those sports where comfort in your clothes directly affects how you play. Agree on a color scheme and let everyone wear what fits. And if it is a two-day event — save your best outfit for day two. If you win, that is the photo.

Play New Courses. Collect the Experiences

Tori looked back at a gin yearly review one December and realized she had played 82 different golf courses that year. She believes that number had a direct impact on her lowest handicap index. A handicap that travels is a real handicap. Variety forces adaptability, and adaptability is what tournament golf demands.

Practice to Compete

The first few tournaments you play in are probably going to go badly — not because you are not good enough, but because tournament golf is a completely different experience from any round you have ever played. The nerves never fully disappear. What gets better is your ability to play good golf while feeling them. Sign up. Show up. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations on the golf course and figure out how to navigate them. Every round of tournament golf — even the ones that feel like disasters — teaches you something you cannot learn on the range.