Nov 28, 2023

Golf Wellness Series: The Art of Bouncing Back with Coach Dar

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Welcome to another episode! On today's edition, we are joined by the esteemed Darleen Santore, best known as Coach Dar. Wearing multiple hats as a board-certified occupational therapist, an award-winning author, a former mental skills coach for the Phoenix Suns and so much more, she shares her rich experiences with us. Her book, 'The Art of Bouncing Back', showcases Darleen's deep-harbored passion for pulling people out of adversity and helping them navigate through life's myriad challenges to achieve their intended goals.

This episode revolves around the concept of resilience and how essential it is not just in sport, but in every aspect of life. As Tori shares lighthearted anecdotes about the harsh realities of golf, Coach Dar firmly reinstills the fact that misfires are just opportunities for greater comebacks, alluding to the theme of her book. As an experienced coach from varying sports leagues, she shares that the highs and lows are part and parcel of every journey. The key lies in harnessing these lows or 'periods of lull', turning them into stepping stones towards greatness. And this episode uncovers just that - the art of bouncing back!

The 9 Principles on the Art of Bouncing Back

1. Embrace The Suck

The first principle revolves around a concept colloquially known as 'embracing the suck'. This may not be the sweetest of terms, but it’s one that resonates with golfers. Golf is a challenging game—there will be bad days, terrible rounds, and disappointing shots. According to Coach Dar, the trick is to acknowledge these and own them as part of the game.

When a player's swing isn't going as expected, or they're having a hard time on the course, it's vital to embrace these moments for what they are. They may not be pleasant, but they're part and parcel of the golfing experience. Being able to admit that a round or a hole was less than ideal allows you to own that moment and reinforces the belief that you're not a bad player; you're just experiencing a poor segment of the game.

2. Understanding Who You Are

The second principle involves understanding who you are as a golfer. According to Coach Dar, creating a scorecard or scouting card of your skills and strengths as a player is an important step in building confidence and resilience in golf.

Knowing what makes you great allows you to remind yourself of your abilities on a bad day. It helps you remember that no amount of poor play can erase all the progress you've been nurturing for years. By asking your friends and those who see you play to give feedback on what makes you a good player, you are steps away from bolstering your confidence, increasing your resilience, and improving your overall golf game.

3. Seeking and Applying Feedback

The third principle is all about seeking and applying feedback. In any sport, and indeed in life, feedback is a critical tool for growth. By revisiting your rounds and evaluating your mistakes, you get the chance to understand what went wrong and devise strategies for improvement.

Coach Dar underlines the importance of visualizing your round and taking time to mentally rehearse the course. Reframing your mistakes helps you 'course correct' and sets you off on the right foot the next time you hit the course. Whether it is feedback from your peers or reviewing stats and notes from your games, seeking and applying feedback is an invaluable process for becoming a highly resilient golfer.

4. Discovering Your Why Power

The fourth principle of Bouncing Back centers on defining your purpose or main motivation behind what you do—this is your 'why' power. It is the reason that keeps you moving even through difficult circumstances. As exemplified by Coach Dar, your 'why' should go beyond the surface-level aims, such as wanting to play better golf.

Fundamentally driven by her purpose of awakening greatness in others, Coach Dar shares how this 'why' helps her face challenges and persist through hard times, such as recovering from three strokes. Using her story as an example, this principle teaches us about the importance of having a deep-rooted reason that drives our actions and decisions.

Moreover, understanding your 'why' can incite a transformative impact. It allows for more intentional actions as it determines where you invest your time, energy, and skills, which, in turn, could make you a better athlete.

5. Creating Your Bounce-Back Environment

Creating a conducive environment for growth is at the heart of this fifth principle. Your surroundings, the people you interact with, and the way you manage yourself play a critical role in shaping this environment.

This principle urges players to be mindful of the company they keep, highlighting the contagious nature of energy—both positive and negative. A positive, encouraging environment can elevate performance, while negativity may deteriorate it.

Moreover, personal order and cleanliness are often indicative of mental clarity. As such, Coach Dar also emphasizes the importance of keeping your belongings in order—from your car and golf bag to your living spaces— to create an environment where you feel at ease and can mentally reset.

6. Activating Emotional Intelligence

The sixth principle involves activating emotional intelligence—the ability to manage and respond to emotions appropriately. Emotional intelligence is closely associated with self-awareness and plays a pivotal role in ensuring a balanced mental state while playing.

By maintaining emotional intelligence, players can monitor their state of mind and adjust their strategies accordingly, fostering resilience. Activating emotional intelligence also helps in managing the impact of our energy on others, thereby creating a positive environment.

7. Don't Catastrophize setbacks

In the world of sports, setbacks are inevitable. Tori and Coach Dar emphasize the importance of not catastrophizing a single bad shot or a rough patch in the game. It's easy to let one mistake derail your entire mindset, but as Coach Dar wisely advises, resist the urge to overhaul your entire approach based on a single error. Instead, keep playing and stay in the game. In golf, just because one putt goes awry or a shot hooks unexpectedly, it doesn't mean you need to make drastic changes to your technique. By avoiding the tendency to catastrophize, you allow room for natural fluctuations in performance.

Coach Dar advocates against letting a temporary setback become the narrative for the entire game. It's a reminder that resilience is built not by avoiding challenges but by navigating through them. The ability to bounce back is closely tied to maintaining a balanced perspective, recognizing that a single misstep doesn't define your overall performance.

8. Cultivating Grit for Mental Resilience

"Cultivating grit" is the eighth principle, a term Tori describes as one of her favorites. Grit, according to Coach Dar, is the powerful force that propels individuals through challenges. Grit is developed by staying in the hard moments, by not backing off when the game gets tough. Coach Dar challenges players to push themselves almost to the breaking point, to endure when the going gets tough.

The analogy of training to failure is presented, highlighting that true grit is built by pushing beyond perceived limits. Athletes who endure and persevere through challenging situations develop mental resilience. Whether it's golf, tennis, or life itself, grit is the driving force behind enduring long matches or navigating through difficult life situations. Coach Dar encourages embracing challenges and not shying away from difficult circumstances, as it is through these experiences that true grit is forged.

9. Turning the Page for a Fresh Start

The ninth principle encapsulates the idea of turning the page. Tori and Coach Dar stress the importance of letting go of past mistakes and focusing on the present and future. When facing challenges or reflecting on a less-than-ideal performance, it's crucial to turn the page and approach each new day or opportunity with a fresh perspective.

The analogy of driving a car is used to illustrate the concept. If you continually look back at past mistakes or dwell on what went wrong, you divert your attention from the road ahead. Turning the page involves acknowledging past experiences but not allowing them to hinder future progress. It's a call to maintain focus on the journey ahead, leaving behind what no longer serves your performance.

Working with Peak Performers: Common Ground and Unique Challenges

Shared Principles Across Professions

Tori dives into an intriguing aspect of Coach Dar's work—her engagement with a diverse range of individuals, from professional athletes to business leaders and CEOs. Tori inquires whether these distinct groups work on the same principles. Coach Dar illuminates the universality of certain principles, emphasizing that all her clients, regardless of their field, share a common goal: optimization. The core principles they work on include building confidence, managing negative self-talk, and navigating adversity. Coach Dar underscores that even the most accomplished individuals often grapple with imposter syndrome, questioning their worth and abilities.

The Universal Challenge of Doubt

Coach Dar delves deeper into the pervasive challenge of doubt, noting that even top performers experience moments of uncertainty. The shared trait among these peak performers is their ability to harbor both doubt and unwavering belief simultaneously. This paradoxical mindset, she suggests, is a driving force. Tori acknowledges the dichotomy and emphasizes the shared pursuit of improvement among individuals striving for greatness, whether in sports or life.

The Difference Maker Among Top Performers

In the second part of the question, Tori probes Coach Dar about the distinguishing factor among top peak performers. Coach Dar identifies key characteristics, emphasizing that, despite moments of doubt, these individuals maintain a higher belief in themselves. They hold firm to the conviction that they can forge a better path. Belief, discipline, confidence, and a commitment to excellence form the foundation of their success. Tori agrees, drawing a parallel with the world of golf, where players who believe they will perform well often find themselves in the top rankings.

The Essence of Success: Consistency, Confidence, and Belief

In conclusion, Coach Dar's insights reveal that the principles of success transcend professional boundaries. Whether on the golf course or in the boardroom, the ability to balance doubt with unwavering belief, uphold a standard of excellence, and consistently strive for improvement distinguishes peak performers. This shared pursuit of greatness unites individuals from diverse fields, emphasizing the universal nature of the human experience when it comes to overcoming challenges and achieving success.

The After Show with Alex & Catherine

The after-show featured Alex Anderson and Catherine Lari, delving into the key takeaways from a conversation with Coach Star. The discussion revolved around applying lessons from golf to various aspects of life, including business. In this article, we explore the insights shared by Alex and Catherine on specific topics such as mental resilience, playing with others, and the importance of grit.

Managing the Mental Game

The episode emphasized the significance of managing the mental aspect of the game. Alex and Catherine highlighted Coach Star's advice to "talk to yourself, not listen to yourself." This strategy helps in maintaining a positive mindset and overcoming challenges. Catherine shared her experience of actively working on her mental game, both on and off the golf course, and how it positively influences her overall attitude.

Playing with People Not as Good as You

The discussion touched upon the idea of playing with individuals of varying skill levels. Alex and Catherine stressed the importance of embracing the opportunity to play with those less skilled, as it fosters a sense of camaraderie and allows for a more inclusive golf community. The conversation extended to practical tips on handling pace-of-play challenges and turning them into opportunities for personal growth on the course.

The Power of Grit

The term "grit" emerged as a central theme during the episode. Both Alex and Catherine expressed admiration for the concept, noting its relevance not only in golf but also in broader aspects of life. Grit, as discussed, involves resilience, determination, and a commitment to continual improvement. The duo shared their aspirations for Babe's Golf, aiming to expand their community while maintaining the quality and connection that define their current events.

Consistency and Goals in Golf

Catherine reflected on her recent achievement of shooting her best score ever at Mount Woodson. She highlighted the importance of consistency with longer clubs and expressed her goal of lowering her handicap. On the other hand, Alex emphasized the need to play more golf and fine-tune her yardages, recognizing the impact accurate distance measurement can have on overall performance.

Upcoming Events and Community Building

As the co-founders of Babe's Golf, Alex and Catherine discussed their upcoming event, Babes Giving, an annual gathering across all three chapters. The event involves playing golf on indoor simulators, sharing good food, and fostering a sense of community. The duo also hinted at potential expansion ideas, reflecting on the challenges and joys of building a strong and supportive community of female golfers.

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